i won’t find peace by just life-ing it

LIFE. So about this whole “life” thing… I created this page with great intention – to be vulnerable, real, honest. But the term “life” is vague right?! It really doesn’t define much except for the fact that we simply are alive and existing, mentally and physically. The very definitions of life are depressing and so mundane, without true enthusiasm.

“life is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have signaling and self-sustaining processes from those that do not”  

“the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual”

“the period from birth to death”

And as I did not truly know how to kick start this “life page”, I figured I would just simply talk about me. So my life… that is, after all what I have intended to share (with hope that my experiences and sharings will have an impact on people and will perhaps be able to help you through life). And how good of a blog host would I be if I were not to share what my life has lead up until now? It may in fact help you to understand where my mind is going forward.

Let’s start with where I grew up. My town is smaller than where I currently reside and much less exciting! A beautiful and peaceful coastal town, but just a little on the boring side. I have an amazing family, small as I am an only child, but my parents and grandmother are the most loyal and supportive people I know. My friends are my rock! I would be nothing if not for my friends’ unconditional love and support. I am a true believer that the people you choose to be your family are the people you care for the most (non-inclusive of my parents that is).

I moved from there at age 22 on a contingency that things would “work out” with a wonderful someone. This, dear readers, is where my story truly begins. I met this fun, caring person just months earlier. He lived in another state and we dated long distance until it was decided that life would be better lived together. I was in love to say the least… truly head over heels. In my mind, there was nothing that could ever get in the way of that love. At age 24 I was proposed to in a truly romantic and thoughtful way (though I don’t really remember what he said). A year and a half later, at age 25 on a beautiful summer day, I was married! Married… yes, to an amazing man! I thought life could just end there and my life would be complete.

Perhaps life did stop there though… what an odd thought. I loved him, he loved me. Life was seemingly perfect. But here is a thought. Did I idolize the wedding above being realistic about what I was promising? Perhaps. Was I naive to the reality of life with this person because I thought love was enough? These many things run through your head at age 26 when you are having a staring contest with the rest of your life in your failing marriage. Failing because of him, me, our incompatibility? At any rate, at age 26 I was divorced.

Why am I choosing to write a blog now you may ask? I am many months down the road from my separation and divorce and have had major epiphanies. I know for a fact that while I want a family and a loving husband, I was not ready for the commitment it took to sustain it. I also was not stable enough nor knew what I wanted from life enough to share my life with someone who was many years older than I. I have a good amount of self-creation to engage in. I have had swift kicks from life post-marriage and I know that they will only keep coming.

I’ve been hurt, I’ve been happy, I’ve let people down, I’ve been let down, I’ve created hurt, I’ve broken promises, I’ve been selfish, I’ve jumped all in, I’ve had too high of expectations, I’ve loved, I’ve received love, and I’ve made amazing new life experiences. In other words, I have been LIVING. I made a terrifying decision to be on my own to be better for me and for a future wonderful someone. I made a choice to simply not just “life” my way through this adventure of “living”.

“living is an active involvement in life where there is meaningful interaction, with intent and purpose”

“the experience of being alive; the course of human events and activities”

So, with all that said… look forward to this page changing from “life” to “living”. I feel that title only appropriate with my newest epiphany on what those words truly mean to me. I will be vulnerable, real, and honest with you. This will be an adventure, together. I look forward to your questions, comments, concerns. Interaction is fun!

Welcome to LIVING. Enjoy y’all!!!

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